For many pubescent teenagers the Klingons of Star Trek were the first contact with sadomasochistic sex.
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I was surprised recently that my students did not know Star Trek DS9. In many ways, Star Trek DS9 is probably the best of the various Star Trek series. It still has Star Trek’s initial humanism, but the world is darker, more real. Not the swashbuckling take-action style of Star Trek TOS, not diplomatic pollyannaish optimism of TNG, nor the … let’s piss on and destroy everything STD crap (stopped watching after finishing the «Star Trek Enterprise» series, it was already downhill).
And yeah, it took a season or two until Star Trek DS9 found it stride, but damn, it did have some brilliant episodes.
Going mostly by memory, the in my view best episodes (divided in funny vs. serious episodes):
Funny Episodes
5. «Badda-Bing Badda-Bang»
«Uh-oh? What do you mean, uh-oh? We don’t have time for uh-oh!»
Odo, to Nog, in Star Trek DS9: «Badda-bing, Badda-bang»
Just a beautifully done holodeck heist story. And Vic Fontaine is a great recurring character (the actor even got a CD with the songs out).
«You want to know? You really want to know what my problem is? I’ll tell you: Las Vegas, 1962. That’s my problem. In 1962, black people weren’t very welcome there. Oh, sure, they could be performers or janitors but customers, never.»
«Maybe that’s the way it was in the real Vegas, but that is not the way it is at Vic’s. I have never felt uncomfortable there and neither has Jake.»
«But don’t you see, that’s the lie. In nineteen sixty two, the Civil Rights movement was still in its infancy. It wasn’t an easy time for our people and I’m not going to pretend that it was.»
«Baby, I know that Vic’s isn’t a totally accurate representation of the way things were, but it isn’t meant to be. It shows us the way things could have been. The way they should’ve been.»
«We cannot ignore the truth about the past.»
«Going to Vic’s isn’t going to make us forget who we are or where we came from. What it does is it reminds us that we’re no longer bound by any limitations, except the ones we impose on ourselves.»
Sisko and Kasidy in Star Trek: DS9: «Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang»
4. «Our Man Bashir»
«Thank you, Mister. Mister?»
«Bashir. Julian Bashir.»
Star Trek DS9: «Our Man Bashir»
Beautiful take on James Bond.
JB: «Maybe I’m tired of being a hero. Maybe I’ve thought over what you’ve said and decided that you’re absolutely right.»
Dr. Noah: «About what?»
JB: «Everything– the decadence of the world , the need for order. The more I think about it, the more I realize that your way may be the only way.»
Dr. Noah: «Ha! You expect me to believe that? You are Julian Bashir a man who has spent his entire life dedicated to fighting against …»
JB: «Yes! But that’s all about to end now, isn’t it? You’re going to destroy this world and start a new one. What’s the use of me continuing to defend a doomed planet? Can you see the sense in that?»
Dr. Noah: «No. … No.»
JB: «I’m an intelligence agent and if there’s any one thing I’ve learned it is that there comes a point when the odds are against you and there is no reasonable course of action but to quit. How do you think I’ve managed to stay alive so long when all of my compatriots are dead? It is because I have known when to walk away.»
Dr. Noah: «You make a very interesting argument, Mr. Bashir . But I’m afraid I’ve been looking forward to killing you for a long time.»
JB: «You need to move beyond that. You need to start thinking about your new world order. You may even need someone like me.»
[Bashir moves closer to the control panel]
Dr. Noah: «If you think that by going over there you are going to destroy my control console you are wasting your time.»
JB: «I don’t intend to destroy your console, Doctor. I intend to use it.»
[Bashir pushes the button. The worldmap changes to show the flooding of the world until only Dr. Noah’s headquarter is visible.]
Honney Bear: «You’ve just activated the final laser sequence.»
(Major Kira): «You’ve destroyed the world.»
Falcon: «It’s working just as you planned. You’ve done it, Doctor.»
Dr. Noah: «Yes. But somehow, I didn’t expect to win.»
Julian Bashir (as James Bond) and Benjamin Sisko (as Dr. No[ah]) in Star Trek DS9: «Our Man Bashir»
3. «Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places»
«If I were in your shoes, I would be looking for someone a little more entertaining, a little more fun, and maybe even a little more attainable.»
«You are not in my shoes.»
«Too bad. You’d be amazed at what I can do in a pair of size eighteen boots.»
Dax and Worf in «Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places»
Sweet episode about love in all the wrong places.
Worf: «Do not think of it as a performance. Believe in where you are. Put yourself in this time, in this place. A thousand years ago, the dawn of the Empire, five hundred warriors storm the Great Hall at Qam-Chee. The city garrison fled before them. Only the Emperor Kahless and the Lady Lukara stood their ground. It was here that they began the greatest romance in Klingon history.»
Quark: «This is ridiculous! I’m surrounded by corpses, my shoes are dripping with blood, and you want me to feel romantic? Why am I putting myself through this?»
Dax: «Because later that night, Kahless and Lukara jumped on each other like a pair of crazed voles. Grrr.»
Quark: «Yeah? One more time.»
«Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places»
Bashir: «A compound fracture of the right radius, two fractured ribs, torn ligaments, strained tendons, numerous contusions, bruises and scratches — what have you been doing?»
Quark: «You mean, what have WE been doing?» (Quark and Grilka laugh)
Bashir: «Nevermind, I don’t need that particular image running around in my head. I’ll just treat you.»
(Dax and Worf enter sickbay … «roughed up»)
Bashir: «What happened to you two?»
Worf: «We … um … .»
Dax: «Well, um … if you must know, uh … .»
Bashir: «NO! No, uh, I don’t need that image either. In fact, I’m going to stop asking that question altogether! People can come in, I will treat them, and that’s all!»
Star Trek DS9: «Looking For Par’Mach In All The Wrong Places»
2. «In the Cards»
«Even in your darkest moments, you can always find something that will make you smile.»
Sisko in Star Trek DS9: «In The Cards»
Taking place shortly before the already brewing Federation-Dominion war, when the situation depresses the people on the station. Beautiful take on how any situation can be cheered up.
Nog: «But you’re not giving him any reason to help us. Okay. Let me show you a little something about incentive based economics. Chief, may I ask you a question? Wouldn’t you rather be doing something else right now?»
O’Brien: «Almost anything.»
Nog: «But isn’t there something specific you’d rather be doing? Like going to the holosuites, maybe?»
O’Brien: «Sure.»
Nog: «I bet you’d rather be kayaking right now, wouldn’t you? You probably haven’t shot those rapids in weeks. No interruptions, no maintenance schedules. Just you and the river.»
O’Brien: «That’s what I’d be doing right now if Decker hadn’t gotten sick. But I have to recalibrate all these EPS regulators so they don’t interfere with the station’s artificial gravity grid.»
Nog: «What if someone else recalibrated the regulators for you? Someone like us?»
O’Brien: You’d do that for me?»
Jake: «Absolutely.»
Nog: «Don’t give it a second thought. Just go shoot those rapids.»
O’Brien: «Thanks. Thanks a lot. I owe you one.»
Nog: «Our pleasure. And Chief? About that power cell?»
O’Brien: «Oh, yeah. I think I know where there’s one. I’ll have it sent up to your quarters.»
Jake: «Thanks, Chief.»
Nog: «Come on. You calibrate, I’ll scan.»
Star Trek DS9 «In the Cards»
Bashir: «I don’t have time for this.»
Jake: «Can I ask you one question? Wouldn’t you rather be doing something else right now?»
Bashir: «No.»
Jake: «No?»
Bashir: «No. This is the first chance I’ve had to get any research done on my prion project in five months. You couldn’t drag me away from here.»
Jake: «Oh.»
Nog: «What Jake is trying to say is that you seem unhappy.»
Bashir: «I suppose I have been feeling a little down, now that you come to mention it.»
Nog: «Just out of curiosity. If you had to name one thing that would make you happy right now, what would it be?»
Bashir: «I don’t know.»
Nog: «Humour me. One thing. Anything at all.»
Bashir: «Kukalaka.»
Jake: «Excuse me?»
Bashir: «That’s what I want. Leeta borrowed him, said he was cute, but she never brought him back.»
Nog: «Kuka-what?»
Bashir: «Kukalaka. You bring him to me and you’ll have earned yourselves five litres of anaerobic metabolites suspended in hydrosaline solution.»
Jake: «Done. Just one thing, Doctor. What’s a Kukalaka?»
Star Trek DS9 In the Cards
1. «Trials and Tribble-ations»
Sisko: «In the old days, operations officers wore red, command officers wore gold.»
Dax: «And women wore less.»
(Dax pirouettes. The red skort suits her legs.)
Bashir: «I think I’m going to like history.»
Star Trek DS9: «Trials and Tribble-ations»
Brilliantly done crossover episode of Star Trek DS9 and Star Trek TOS. And I’ve got to give it to TOS, the uniforms for women were better, much, much better.
Kirk: «I want to know who started it.»
(O’Brien and Bashir are merged nicely into the line of crewmen.)
Kirk: «I’m waiting.»
(Kirk stops in front of O’Brien, who has replaced Freeman from the original.)
Kirk: «Who started the fight?»
O’Brien: «I don’t know, sir.»
Kirk: «All right. Chekov, I know you. You started it didn’t you?»
Chekov: «No, sir. I didn’t.»
Kirk: «Well who did?»
Chekov: «I don’t know, sir.»
Kirk: «‹I don’t know, sir.› I want to know who threw the first punch. All right, you’re all confined to quarters until I find out who started it. Dismissed.»
Star Trek DS9: «Trials and Tribble-ations»
The Serious Ones
7. «Playing God»
«Speak up for yourself while you’re here, ok?»
Jadzia Dax in Star Trek DS9: «Playing God»
Interesting take on what good mentors can do, well, or effective ones.
«How’d your initiate come through the experience?»
«Fine. He’s a good pilot.»
«Uh oh.»
«What?»
«I know that look.»
«What look?»
«That look, old man. The one that says this one isn’t going to make it.»
«Not because of me.»
«But you have your doubts.»
«I have my doubts.»
«What’s his problem?»
«I’m not sure what he brings as a host, how he’ll advance the symbiont to the next level. Frankly, he’s more than a little arrogant, Benjamin.»
«Is he?»
«Okay, for a Trill, that’s to be expected. Check. But he’s riding his father’s ambitions and he doesn’t have any idea what he’d do with a symbiont if he got one.»
«Have you confronted him?»
«It’s not my job to confront him.»
«Isn’t it?»
«My job is to show him what it’s like to function as a Joined Trill. That’s all. I can show you the guidelines. They’re very clear. Who am I to confront him?»
«You’re Dax.»
«Yes, but I’m not Curzon Dax. And I won’t do to him what Curzon did to me.»
«So, what are you going to do? This kid has to measure up soon or he’ll never be chosen. True? So you’re not doing him any favours by avoiding a confrontation, are you? Curzon was tough. Maybe even abusive in his own charming way. But he always demanded the highest standards of excellence from these host candidates.»
«You don’t know what he did to me.»
«I know that you made it through the programme.»
«No thanks to him.»
«Are you sure?»
Sisko and Dax in Star Trek DS9 «Playing God»
6. «Field of Fire»
Hunting a serial killer by seeing things from the killers perspective with the help of a former, similarly murderous host. Nicely done.
Ezri: «Chzui vok Ezri sheyhal bashar. I’nora ja’kala vok.»
Joran: «I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed our time together.»
Ezri: «Zheem Dax nah sass eye ahn. D’za oo bah zheest. Joran rhee jehr hey dah»
Joran: «You won’t be able to forget me or bury me as deeply as Curzon or Jadzia did.»
Ezri: «I know.»
Joran: «I’m part of you now. As much as Audrid, Torias, any of them.»
Ezri: «I’ll have to be careful. Tu Dax noh zhian ‘vok j’zui.»
(Joran fades away.)
Ezri: «Joran rhem tanas Ezri.»
«Field of Fire»
5. «Homefront/Paradise Lost»
Dealing with the fear of a Dominion invasion, the Federation risks sacrificing its freedom for the veneer of security. A timeless story (now parts of it remind me of Covid).
Sisko: «Listen to me. You have got to take the test.»
Joseph: «Why should I? If I were an enemy spy looking to replace someone, I think I could come up with better choices than an old chef.»
Sisko: «Yeah, you’re probably right. But this isn’t about you. We’ve got civilian families living on starships and Starfleet installations all over the Federation. The only way we can secure those facilities is to test everyone there, whether they wear a uniform or not.»
Joseph: «I’m not living on a Starfleet installation.»
Sisko: «Dad, if we’re going to test the family members of one Starfleet officer, we must to test them all.»
Joseph: «You may want to test everyone, but that doesn’t mean we all have to cooperate. I didn’t take an oath to Starfleet. Neither did Jake or your sister or anyone in your family. We have rights, Ben, including the right to be as stubborn or thickheaded as we want.»
Sisko: «Damn it, Dad. Can’t you cooperate just one time? You don’t take your medication, you don’t go to the doctor, you won’t let Judith help you in the restaurant. Just one time, please do what you’re asked.»
Joseph: «I wish I could, but what you’re asking me to do is wrong. You can’t go around making people prove they are who they say they are. That’s no way to live and I’m not going to go along with it. Now, if you want to make yourself useful, start some water boiling for the shrimp.»
Sisko: «Come on, Dad. Don’t be this way. If I have to, I will get a warrant.»
Joseph: «And what? Hold me down and force me to give you my blood? Because that’s the only way you’ll get. Damn it. Now look what I’ve done.»
(Joseph has cut his finger with his chopping knife. He puts it under the tap as Sisko stares at the blood left on the knife.)»
Joseph: «Jake?»
Jake: «Yeah?»
Joseph: «I’ve got a dermal regenerator under the… Benjamin Lafayette Sisko. What the hell has gotten into your head? You actually thought I was one of them, didn’t you?»
Sisko: «I don’t know. I wasn’t sure.»
Joseph: «This business has got you so twisted around you can’t think straight. You’re seeing shape-shifters everywhere. Maybe you ought to think about something for a minute. If I was a smart shape-shifter, a really good one, the first thing I would do would be to grab some poor soul off the street, absorb every ounce of his blood, and let it out on cue whenever someone like you tried to test me. Don’t you see? There isn’t a test that’s been created a smart man can’t find his way around. You aren’t going to catch shape-shifters using some gadget. The only thing you can count on in this life is…» (Joseph gasps in pain.)
Star Trek DS9: «Homefront»
O’Brien: «Beautiful evening, isn’t it?»
Sisko: «Chief, how’d you get here?»
O’Brien: «You don’t look so good. You’ve got a lot on your mind, I bet. How is your father?»
Sisko: «There’s no way the Defiant could get here so soon.»
O’Brien: «I didn’t say I came on the Defiant. Tell me the truth. Do you really believe that phaser rifles will do any good against shape-shifters?»
Sisko: «You’re not O’Brien.»
O’Brien: «Luckily, no. The thought of being locked in the one shape all the time. (shudders) It’s unnatural. Don’t bother calling for help. It’ll only cut short our conversation, and I do enjoy your company.»
Sisko: «If you have something to say to me, say it.»
O’Brien: «You solids. You are so impatient. I thought we could sit here for a while, maybe go to a bar, have a pint, throw some darts.»
Sisko: «I don’t think so.»
O’Brien: «Let me ask you a question. How many changelings do you think are here on Earth right at this moment? Sisko: «I’m not going to play any guessing games with you.»
O’Brien: «Ah. What if I were to tell you that there are only four on this entire planet. Not counting Constable Odo of course. Think of it. Just four of us, and look at the havoc we’ve wrought.»
Sisko: «How do I know you’re telling me the truth?»
O’Brien: «Four is more than enough. We’re smarter than solids. We’re better than you. And most importantly, we do not fear you the way you fear us. In the end, it’s your fear that will destroy you.»
Sisko: «Are you finished?»
O’Brien: «Finished? We’ve barely begun. I’ll be seeing you.»
Star Trek DS9: «Paradise Lost»
Jake: «Something wrong, Odo?»
Odo: «Am I the only one who’s worried that there are still changelings here on Earth?»
Joseph: «Worried? I’m scared to death. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let them change the way I live my life.»
Sisko: «If the changelings want to destroy what we’ve built here, they’re going to have to do it themselves. We will not do it for them.»
Star Trek DS9: «Paradise Lost»
4. «… Nor the Battle to the Strong» and «The Siege of AR-558»
«… Nor the Battle to the Strong» is an interesting take on courage and cowardice, while «The Siege of AR-558» shows what prolonged war does to humans.
Jake’s writing: «More than anything, I wanted to believe what he was saying. But the truth is, I was just as scared in the hospital as I’d been when we went for the generator. So scared, that all I could think about was doing whatever it took to stay alive. Once it meant running away, and once it meant picking up a phaser. The battle of Ajilon Prime will probably be remembered as a pointless skirmish, but I’ll always remember it as something more. As the place I learned that the line between courage and cowardice is a lot thinner than most people believe.»
Jake: «I wasn’t sure whether to show it to you or not.»
Sisko: «Anyone who’s been in battle would recognise himself in this, but most of us wouldn’t care to admit it. It takes courage to look inside yourself and even more courage to write it for other people to see. I’m proud of you, son.»
Star Trek DS9: «… Nor the Battle to the Strong»
«Let me tell you something about hu-mons, nephew. They’re a friendly, intelligent, wonderful people … so long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time, and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people will become as nasty, and as violent as the most blood-thirsty Klingon.»
Quark in Star Trek DS9: «The Siege of AR-558»
3: «For the Cause»
A great take on the negative side of the Federation (the arc is continued in «For the Uniform» and «Blaze of Glory»).
«I know you. I was like you once, but then I opened my eyes. Open your eyes, Captain. Why is the Federation so obsessed about the Maquis? We’ve never harmed you, and yet we’re constantly arrested and charged with terrorism. Starships chase us through the Badlands and our supporters are harassed and ridiculed. Why? Because we’ve left the Federation, and that’s the one thing you can’t accept. Nobody leaves paradise. Everyone should want to be in the Federation. Hell, you even want the Cardassians to join. You’re only sending them replicators because one day they can take their rightful place on the Federation Council. You know, in some ways you’re worse than the Borg. At least they tell you about their plans for assimilation. You’re more insidious. You assimilate people and they don’t even know it.»
Eddinton in «Star Trek DS9: For the Cause»
2: «Once More upon the Breach»
Martok: «Well, say something, old man. Or have you lost your tongue as well as your mind?»
Kor: «Savour the fruit of life, my young friends. It has a sweet taste when it ‘is fresh from the vine. But don’t live too long. The taste turns bitter after a time.»
(later)
Martok: «I’ve hated his name for almost thirty years. I’ve dreamt of the moment when I would finally see him stripped of his rank and title, when he would suddenly find himself without a friend in the world, without the power of his birthright. Well, I’ve had that moment now. And I took no joy from it.»
«Star Trek DS9: Once More upon the Breach»
An old and somewhat senile warrior gets a last chance to die with dignity, and takes it. Beautiful take on getting old, grudges and revenge, and dying a good death.
«Worf! Leaving for the Ning’tao, I take it?»
«Yes.»
«I wanted to wish you well. I look forward to seeing you at the gates to Sto’Vo’Kor.»
«As do I.»
«Do you have any message you want me to convey to Jadzia? (Kor hypo’s Worf.) When I reach the halls of the hallowed dead, I will find your beloved and remind her that her husband is a noble warrior, and that he still loves no one but her. Goodbye, my friend. Live well. (Kor steps into the tiny transporter alcove.) Long live the Empire!»
Kor and Worf in «Star Trek DS9: Once More unto the Breach»
1: «In the Pale Moonlight»
«My father used to say, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I laid the first stone right there. I’d committed myself. I’d pay any price, go to any length, because my course was righteous … my intentions were good.
In the beginning, that seemed like enough.»
Captain Sisko in Star Trek DS9: «In The Pale Moonlight»
Faced with a war that is going badly for the Federation, Captain Sisko tries to get the Romulans to join on their side. The whole episode is a masterpiece of storytelling, parts of it with Sisko talking to his log (i.e., looking straight at the viewer without breaking the fourth wall) and recounting the events that led him to break his moral code. There are no rights or wrongs here, just moral grey.
«Thank you for restoring my faith in the Ninety-eight Rule of Acquisition: ‹Every man has his price›’»
Quark, after Captain Sisko had to bribe him to ensure the continuation of a plan that might save the Federation to survive an ongoing bloody war, in Star Trek DS9: «In The Pale Moonlight»
«That’s why you came to me, isn’t it, Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren’t capable of doing? Well, it worked. And you’ll get what you want: a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant. And all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don’t know about you, but I’d call that a bargain.»
Elim Garak to Captain Sisko, in Star Trek DS9 6×19: «In the Pale Moonlight»
«I think I can live with it. And the most damning thing of all … if I had to do it all over again, I would. Garak was right about one thing: A guilty conscience is a small price to pay for the safety of the Alpha Quadrant. So, I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it … I can live with it. … Computer, erase that entire personal log.»
Last lines of Captain Sisko in Star Trek DS9: «In The Pale Moonlight»
Beautifully done.
So yeah, it takes a season or two, but then it goes strong up into the final episode. Highly recommended.