Taking an intimate time-out from the world

“Anne? What’s so special about the way that lad kisses?” Anne looked dreamy, then dimpled. “You should have tried it.” “I’m too old to change. But I’m interested in everything about the boy. Is this something different?” Anne pondered it. “Yes.” “How?” “Mike gives a kiss his whole attention.” “Oh, rats! I do myself. Or did.” Anne shook her head. “No. I’ve been kissed by men who did a very good job. But they don’t give kissing their whole attention. They can’t. No matter how hard they try parts of their minds are on something else. Missing the last bus – or their chances of making the gal – or their own techniques in kissing – or maybe worry about jobs, or money, or will husband or papa or the neighbors catch on. Mike doesn’t have technique … but when Mike kisses you he isn’t doing anything else. You’re his whole universe … and the moment is eternal because he doesn’t have any plans and isn’t going anywhere. Just kissing you.”
“Stranger in a Strange Land” by Robert A. Heinlein

One of the most stimulating, most exciting, most satisfying moments you can have with another human being is when you shut out the world and focus on each other. Only on each other. There is a kind of magic in that moment, when nothing else matters — not the job, not the family, not politics or anything else.

I think that creativity is never more fun when you use it to spend some time together with a person you love — or are interested in. And as for the preparation for these moments — who says that organizing must be bleak and boring?

Personally, I think it’s fun to do make some changes to the place you are living in, to make the next couple of hours fun. To create a bubble of intimate, private space and exclude the world.

For an NSFW example, just follow the senses:

  • Sight
    • Dim the Lights and use candles: Without wanting to sound negative, but forget about make-up and beauty products, just dim the lights. All ‘blemishes’ will becomes secondary. As an extra plus: Your pupils will dilate, which is a nice sign of arousal. And while a cliché, candles are a cliché for good reason. Tealights and cheap glasses provide a nice effect (make sure that the glass does not overheat — it must be wide enough). And you can have a lot of fun with candles.
    • Your partner: How often do you look at your partner — really look at her/him? Now’s the time … esp. if you use that sleep mask on your partner first.
  • Hearing
    • Creating a playlist of stimulating songs: Music intensifies the situation — in any direction. So make sure the right music is playing. If in doubt, instrumental music is often best, there are nice instrumental mixes available on YouTube. It will not really mute sounds, but it might help you forget the environment beyond the walls. The iTunes Visualizer is nice, too, when you darken the room. Keep a remote handy in case the music just-does-not-fit-the-current-situation.
    • Listen to your partner: Really listen. And make sure there is something to listen. Auditory feedback is really helpful if its genuine.
  • Taste
    • Drinks: Careful with alcohol, but a bottle of wine and/or a cocktail as aperitif or for the breaks is really nice. Prepare cocktails in advance. BTW, thermos flasks isolate, i.e., they keep hot things hot and cold things cold. A good way to keep a reserve cocktail is to put it into a thermos flask, ice cubes and all.
    • Keeping snacks nearby: Something you can eat during a break. Make sure it does not leave crumbs on the mattress.
    • …: I don’t have to spell it out, do I? Just enjoy.
  • Smell
    • Oils: Concentrated refresher oil is dangerous — you can easily underestimate the amount you need. But the right amount can provide a nice olfactory background. So can scented massage oils.
    • Bath: It’s really nice to start the evening with a bath. The bathtub usually fits two. Use some nicely scented bath oil. A bath relaxes and is the perfect preparation for a slow, intimate massage.
    • …: I don’t have to spell this out, either … do I?
  • Touch
    • Putting a mattress on the floor: Also cliché, but allows for more versatile play (and you can just fall asleep afterwards). BTW, using a latex cover combined with a simple cotton sheet works wonders, esp. if you use massage oil (no danger to the mattress).
    • Massages: You don’t know how to give a massage? So what, just let your partner guide you. Learning is never more fun.
    • …: Seriously, enjoy.
  • Other essentials: Keep towels, kitchen tissue, and — if needed — condoms handy. As for other senses, I’ve stumbled upon other good sources in the meantime, but these here are still interesting.

In the end, it might not look like much, it might even look a bit adolescent:


but it can be a hell of a lot of fun.

However, besides the — hopefully — obvious (protection protection, protection), there is one major issue:

Make sure your partner knows what the next couple of hours are about.

No, I am not talking about consent or being in the mood for it. That should be a no-brainer, no matter the kind of interaction. I am talking about avoiding serious issues for the rest of the evening.

While this might not be relevant during the interaction itself, it does become relevant during the breaks. When you both wind down, some people (= many women) think it’s a good time to talk about serious issues that bug them. After all, there is an extremely high level of intimacy, so the moment seems just right to open up. Personally, I had everything from work related issues (like how she felt when she was removing the retina of a corpse — ah, the joy of dating an MD) to serious relationship issue (like the status of the relationship and how it is going — at that moment, not very well).

Serious issues, yes. Important, yes. Worth talking about, yes.

But a hell of a way to burst that bubble that separates you two from the world.

There is a time and place for every issue, and in that moment, when you focus on each other and forget about the world, this is neither the time nor the place.

So, negotiate the rules beforehand — like “No shop talk, no business or financial matters, no discussion of ailments. No political discussion, no mention of taxes, or of foreign or domestic policy.” to quote Heinlein’s “The Number of the Beast”. And add relationship issues to the no-go list as well.

Seriously, it’s hard enough these days to wind down, to focus on people you care about. Let’s not over-complicate things.

And above all, once you have done the planning and prepared the room, forget all about it and focus on your partner.

Just enjoy these precious moments away from the world. 🙂