Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill.
Henry Louis Mencken
Some time ago I did a posting about creative sex. So, let’s talk about some inspiration. I think that the following books are really well-written and educative.
Note: People are curiously touchy about sex, especially those who shouldn’t have it, or only in special circumstance or for special purposes. If you have a problem with it, don’t blame me. Stop reading.
For Women (and especially for men)
I think people who do not find out what stimulates them miss out a lot. And there are a lot of women for whom creativity in the bedroom (or anywhere else) is lost because they do not know what stimulates them. If a man is not aroused, everyone can see it. If a woman is not aroused, well, I guess that’s a common scenario Saturday evening is a lot of households, but only one person knows, and nobody cares. So my first literature tip to enable you to add some creativity to your sex life is:
- Sincero, J. (2009). The Straight Girls Guide to Sleeping with Chicks. New York: Fireside Book.
Not only interesting for (would be) lesbians or straight women who are curious, but also for men. And to all those women who do not know what stimulates them — please, please, please read this book. You can’t expect your partner to find out what stimulates you, even a mind-reader needs some kind of feedback. And that’s you. You have to care and take matters into your own hand. You have to know for yourself what stimulates you first. And this book is well written and very interesting … and educating.
Strength and happiness in (the right) numbers
I’m still unsure about polyamory — and the book that really got me thinking was:
- Easton, D., & Liszt, C. A. (1997). The Ethical Slut. A guide to infinite sexual possibilities. San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press.
Very interesting ideas if you want to live an open relationship — and keep your standards.
It’s not real ‘pain’, actually …
There are a lot of misconceptions about BDSM. Some people think it’s abuse, others think it’s the only sex that really counts. In my opinion, both are far off. But it is hard to define, I’ve met people who think that vanilla sex (= non-SM-sex) includes handcuffs, blindfolds and teasing until you explode, but they are “not into anything SM”, and others who think their extremely ritualized and ‘anything less than the very extreme is pussy vanilla sex’ conception of BDSM is the sacred truth (never understood why vanilla sex should be irrelevant or inferior, but some seem to think so, strange). Well, I think it’s whatever floats your boat (and your partner(s)’s boat(s)). It’s what you make of it, what you and your partner(s) love to do, whether it’s an action or a situation or clothing or anything — as long as you and your partner(s) can agree on it. This said, the following books are kinda interesting:
- Miller, P., & Devon, M. (1995). Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism. Connecticut: Mystic Rose Books.
- Wiseman, J. (1996). SM 101. A Realistic Introduction. 2nd Edition. San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press.
For tops (the one doing the dominance or inflicting the ‘pain’):
- Easton, D., & Hardy, J. W. (2003). The New Topping Book. Oakland, CA: Greenery Press.
- Varrin, C. (1998). The Art of Sensual Female Dominance. A Guide for Women. New York: Citadel Press.
For bottoms (the ones who enjoy the incredible attention during a session):
- Easton, D., & Hardy, J. W. (2001). The New Bottoming Book. Oakland, CA: Greenery Press.
- Varrin, C. (2001). Erotic Surrender – The Sensual Joys of Female Submission. New York: Citadel Press.
For spanking enthusiast:
- Hardy, J. W. (1996). The Compleat Spanker. Emeryville, CA: Greenery Press.
And last but not least, some pointers on bondage:
- Wiseman, J. (2000). Erotic Bondage Handbook. Emeryville, CA: Greenery Press.
- German: Grimme, M. T. J. (1999). Das Bondage-Handbuch. Anleitung zum erotischen Fesseln. Hamburg: Charon-Verlag Grimme KG.
So, these were some literature tips regarding sex. BTW, if you live in Germany near the Stuttgart area, you might be interested in this course: it’s very well done and I can highly recommend it.
But I also have a question here, because I am curious and I’m interested in further improvement: Do you know any inspiring sources? If so, I’d be interesting to hear about the sources (persons, quotes, books, ideas) that gave you ideas. Simply leave a comment or write me an eMail.