“Yes, but what about ugly programmers? It’s not as simple as walking outside and meeting someone. You first have to go to the gym and beef up, and that takes too much time, etc … it’s too much trouble — in the end, a bottle of vasoline and an asian schoolgirl porno account is more efficient.”
I read an interesting book yesterday called “The School of Genius” by Anthony Storr (1988). He argues that many great creatives have spend their lives as singles (i.e., they had no partner and mostly weak ties to others), which is okay and supportive to creative work.
While I think that most would probably have gladly spend their time with a soulmate — providing they would only have found it — I also think that he has a point. Especially that it is a skill to be able to be alone and concentrate on one’s work. Creativity needs a lot of time (see also here) and having a partner cuts into that time budget. Solitude is necessary (at times) to be creative and time and spaces for solitude should be planned into your infrastructure to be creative.
On the other hand, I also think that being creative (or often just ‘being alive’) is such a roller coaster ride that is only bearable when you share it with someone else, with a partner, with a soulmate. This person provides inspiration, feedback, and support, and allows for intimacy, happiness, closeness … in short makes life worth living. Otherwise solitude quickly become loneliness, which leads to depression and despair. Like Dracula said in Bram Stokers Dracula (1992) “The luckiest man in the world is he who finds true love.”
Do I think that I will find it? Probably not.
Do I stop searching for it after being disappointed again and again? Probably … not.